Another night on my own, eating a quiet dinner in the midst of my xmas projects which have eaten up the dinner table for the time being....it's so quiet here.

Today I caught myself talking out loud to God and thought how strange would it be if someone came to the door or peeped in the window (it IS the North End...) and saw mw chatting away to myself...then I thought about it for a bit, and stopped caring.

I was going out to meet a friend and thought I'd leave some lights on and shut the blinds so people would think we were home, although I guess it doesn't matter.. (again, it IS the North End...) and when I shut the last blind I paused to look around the room. And I remembered something. The last time I saw these blinds all closed like this was a very special day in my life. It was the day Hannah (the littelest Eheler) was born. What a day it was.

Instantly I was transported back. I remember that day so clearly. It was so hot on June 30th, 2006, I could hardly stand it. That thick kind of heat that makes it feel funny to walk through. Like you could swim in it.

I remember seeing all the blinds shut and a tye-dyed curtain covering the window of our front door. And I thought to myself, a baby is being born in there. What a thought. In our living room in a pool... (I'd already gotten over that, trust me it makes sense now that I know about having babies..)that little girl took her first breath in the house I live in. I held her when she was 20 minutes old.

My life changed that day.

She was so perfect and little. Theresa (her mum) was tired but so happy. The midwives were running around measuring and checking things and then in all the kaos Jason asked me if I wanted to hold her, didn't wait for an answer and she was in my arms. I've never felt like that before. I think the only time I'll ever feel more connected to God is if and when I hold my own babies. Thank you Jesus for that moment. I'll carry it in my heart for the rest of my life.

I kept the blinds shut when I got home. I think I'll just keep them shut for a little while to remind me of what a miracle it is that we exist, and how we got to be that way. I'm so blessed.