I'll start with a picture I tookm in Venice, Italy in the spring, I LOVE that place, LOVE LOVE LOVE it, didn't like Rome as much, but Venice was the perfect size town for me...lots of cute little nuns too! Sorry I didn't know how to get rid of the time at the bottom right side fo the picture...Ken? Any ideas?? :)

My mind has been just spinning lately! on nothing in particular, I suppose it's partly because I have all this time to think, I've never been on my own in a house for so long, in so many ways I'm such a "kid"!! It's not that I don't like it, it's nice being alone to contemplate life and talk to God, but I'm lonely. Not really for anyone in particular, just lonely in general. Story of my life.
*cue the saddest and smallest violin in the world*.
People say I'm too young to worry about being lonely. I don't think you're ever too young or too old to feel something like that. It's real and it is what it is. So tonight I'm lonely. Besides I think it would be worse being with someone and being lonely.

Yep. I think that's worse.

So my mind was spinning when I got home, I was reading flyers which I shouldn't do because all I do is think about all the things I wanna buy, which is bad cause I'm NOT GOING TO DO THAT ANYMORE!!! haha...I've got too much stuff....honestly you should see my collection of hand bags...so I was just praying, and reading flyers...bizarre combo, jsut goes to show you prayer doesn't always take place on your knees...and I felt like reading the bible, so I picked it up and it was marked at this verse,Proverbs 3:1-12, which basically talks about trusting God and His word and giving everything up to Him, and then I get to 12 and it says "For whom loves the Lord he reproves, Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights. How blessed is the man who finds wisdom And the man who gains understanding. For her profit is better then the profit of silver And her gain is better than fine gold."
I thought of a friend as I read it, it goes onto to talk about how wealthy faith and wisdom and and honesty make you. Even though it doesn't pay the bills. I think I'd rather be all those things then filthy stinkin rich and sleeping on a bed of money...
Did I just say that?
Yep. I did. Things have changed.

Amen. Honestly. Sometimes I struggle to get a grasp on the bible even though I know there's tons of good stuff in there, I guess I've just always based my realtionship with my Father on our talks and my prayers and manifestations of that intimacy. Anyway, it was a cool God moment and I'm thankful for it.

Tomorrow night I'm going to a drag show. Yep, little ol' country hick, innocent Lisa is going to watch drag queens. A friend of mine is in the show and he invited me to go. I'm going to take my pal Deanna with me...anyone else wanna go? Safety in groups!! I'm sure it'll be safe, just another step I'm taking outside of my comfort zone.

Something jsut popped into my mind so I guess I'll write about it.

My mum was dating this guy a year or so ago. I didn't like him from the start. I didn't get along with him or his kids. I found out he had a really brutal past and some history with behaviors that were disturbing to me at the time. I used to think that those were the reasons I didn't like him. He went through this program called Living Waters, which is a really great program that helps people deal with sexual brokeness, whatever that means for that individual. It could be a variety of things. I now work the Ministry that runs that program now, and I used to think it was a farce because I knew he went through it but was still acting on his harmful behaviors. I should learn more about that program. I should ask more questions. If it was a farce I don't think it was the program's fault and I don't think it was because God wasn't trying to heal him. I just feel confused about it sometimes.
I didn't feel that way towards him because of his past. I think I felt that way towards him because he wasn't healed and was involving my mum. And besides that he was a total leech money and home wise. Anyway I dunno why that popped into my head but while I'm in the business of forgiving...
I forgive him. I might need to say this a few more times before it's really true...but I forgive him for his weakness and I'm thankful that he's not in our lives anymore. I hope God really heals him and that his faith is not just words an manipulation but is honest and real. I pray he will be a better father to his kids. I haven't judged the other people I've met who've gone through what he's gone through. But it's just kind of always in the back of my mind. I worry that I'm being a hypocrit. Maybe I just need to ask more questions.
At any rate.. I'm thankful that my mum is taking steps to be a strong independant woman and I forgive her for anything she needs forgiveness for.
I dunno why that popped out. I guess that's the magic of blogs... :)

Goodnight cyberworld!

L.