"If you love it, let it go."

WHAT??? What sense does that make? If you love it let it go? What if I love it and I CAN'T let it go? What happens then? Does that mean I don't love it enough? Or for the right reasons?

I've been fighting to keep this friendship amidst all the change in both our lives. I'm the only one really without a relationship, or who hasn't dated or anything and I jsut always get left behind...well not always...well mostly, because people get busy and they forget. This sucks.

My best friend of 6 years just ditched me again for her boyfriend and I'm so tired of fighting. I'm just done. I don't wanna give up, Lord please give me grace but I'm just so hurt and I can't stop thinking that this isn't right. Am I supposed to be a door mat? Is forgivness a doormat? I'm tired of making myself feel like an outsider jsut because I don't have a boyfriend or whatever. That's such a sick excuse. You are a friend, and as a friend one of the basic principles is to be around when you say you're gonna be. I can't stand feeling anger. Mostly I can't stand someone not caring enough to beg me not to be angry. I know that's silly. But when I realize I'm wrong I lay things down at people's feet just like I lay them down on Jesus' cross and most of the time, I don't get the same passion back.

Where is the passion?

I love it too much to let it go.
I dont' wanna cry cause I just did my make up. Oh I'm such a girl sometimes...
Please Lord, don't make me let this go.

I'm hurting and I'm angry and I'm confused and I'm betrayed. I don't even know why I'm writing all this down, I guess it's a prayer. Lord give me grace. I am not perfect and I can't expect others to be. Lord soften my heart. Grant me a fraction of the ability you have to forgive. I don't want to feel anger. I don't want to feel this stuff it's just not how I want to live my life. But I can't keep doing this. I can't keep bending. I think I just broke.

I guess I don't have to let go- but I need to let God.

It's His. I'm faithful, trusting, and now I'm waiting. Divine intervention is the only thing that can save this now. I jsut really don't WANT to let it go.

So now I'm going out. Alone. But with Jesus. He's a the best date anyone could ask for anyway. :)