Ode to McDreamy....

And so begins another day in the days...of my life...
Ha.

A few things to update you on. First of all I am going to be a maid of honor at one of my best friend's weddings......lol. How exciting, my first wedding party experience. and I'm super happy for Tasha. She deserves happiness after all the crap she's been through. Hey Tash, maybe Josh Youngson's band will sing at your reception!! Careful though- he spits on stage sometimes, but somehow still manages to make it look hot!! :)
I loved Josh in kindergarten. He had trouble concentrating and stuff so the teachers put him beside me thinking I'd be a good influence. WRONG! It was my first attempt at being cool to impress someone...lol. He was so cute with his little mushroom hair cut and buck teeth...but look at him now!! The five year old in me still loves him, okay the high school kid in me still loves him...okay...
I still love him. lol. Only now I'm referred to as a groupie...last time I saw him I told him how cool it was gonna be to say I knew him when and he insisted I say I KNOW him, but I really don't. Just through his music. Which is REALLY good.

www.myspace.com/sickcitymusic

check it out!

Speaking of checking out....

I was at this conferance this week for HIV AIDS. Awesome conferance, really informative and great for those of us who are in this feild but really don't have any medical background. It was 2 days and Monday went great. Then Tueday we had that big snow storm, yucky. So I was late for a speech I REALLY didn't want to be late for...mmmm....Dr.Kasper...lol, he's Moe's honestly, I just drool. :)

Bad Mood . Late for the speech I wanted to hear. my hair didn't turn out the way I wanted it to that day and I changed like 5 times before I left the house. Bad roads. Grumpy!!
Then another guy got up to do a presentation on Tuberculosis and HIV co-infection.
And he quoted Simpsons. Well he didn't just quote them, he impersonated a voice.
And he was cute! and super smart, he used words like, "specificity". Honestly, I didn't even know that word existed! And I was in love...okay...lust...but I've never been "in love" so how would I know the difference??

Anyway, I met him afterwards and got all giggly and girly about it, then I had to pick something up at his office today and I got even gigglier. It's nice to be giggly again. I haven't been that way since the spring. I'm just enjoying it. And realizing how much I like being a girl. Oh I'm 22 now, does that make me a "woman"?? lol.

Seriously though, I love the hair and the make-up and the clothes and the emotions and the babies and the dresses and the giggles. Guys have it boring all they get it tools and sports and suits. But I like ties, I might steal that, actually I was thinking of wearing ties right around the time Avril Lavigne came out and she made it trendy and hard core and ruined it. boo. hiss.

So I'm not gonna stress, cause what I do is get a crush on someone and put too much thought into it cause I'm always looking for reasons it wouldn't work and I talk myself out of it all the time so here's the conclusion I've come to.
It's not my job to find a husband. That's God's job. All I have to do is keep developing as a person, as a christian, and God will provide. Now or 10 years from now. I just need to CALM DOWN. Not just with this, but with everything!

I need to stop finding flaws in myself. I need to stop looking for flaws in other people to avoid closness. No more walls. I mean my life isn't gonna be any less if I never hear from him, worst case senario it stays what it is, which isn't so bad. Most of the time... ;)

I guess it just always wanting to look ahead and see what's coming, I think that's what people try to get out of horoscopes and stuff like that, cause I've always thought, if I could look 5 years down the road from now and just see where I'd be I wouldn't be so stressed...and people say "You're only 22, how could you be stressed about this?" Because I'm not really 22. I'm more like 26 or 27. I skipped some years when my parents got divorced and I'd say 80 percent of my friends are over the age of 25. In fact alot of the close ones are almost or ARE in their 30's or older ;). So that's why I get stressed, cause I'm living life at a level that isn't really mine.

And I've been burned. The few times I HAVE put myself out there, I got burned like you wouldn't believe! It's probably cause I was doing it for the wrong reasons and that person wasn't actually right for me, but still! That's sucks and it's hard to get over and when you couple that with someone whose already terrified of rejection, you got a big emotional puddle of fear and worry and...Lisa..!!

So Christmas is coming. And all I want for xmas is Dr. McDreamy. LOL, he can carry my display board anywhere he wants. Can we keep him Moe? Can we? Can we? I promise to take care of him and walk him everyday...and you can have Dr. McSteamy as your stocking stuffer... ;)

So I will wait. For the big red bow. But it's not going to hurt my heart. Jesus will fill it up for me when the levels are getting low. When I think of what He's done in my life already, none of which I deserve, I can't imagine anything but the best because it's touched by His hands.

Maybe now I can get some sleep on my last night alone. So long independant living, hello screaming toddlers. Hello baby smell, hello sharing the bathroom and laundry, hello more cleaning.
Hello Family.
I missed every bit of it....well maybe not the screaming... ;)

L.


Building in Venice, Italy Spring 2006