What a whirl wind it's been since I wrote last!

I'm writing this entry from Barrie Ontario, I'm here visiting Meaghan!

Just got done with a conferance with work which was amazing. For lots of reasons.
Professionally it was very informative, I learned lots about the ministry I work for and I'm so blessed to work with the people I work with. They are my family.
Personally, I realized that while I was in such a rush to figure out how to heal my hurts, I didn't even notice they were already being healed.
I've got daddy issues, which translates into guy issues which can make it very difficult when you want to get into a relationship and get married. But I realized this weekend that the kind of guy who gets that, and even helps you embrace that, exists. And I know one. And I feel so blessed to have him in my life. Through him Jesus is teaching me that it's okay to trust, it's okay to be vulnerable, it's okay to be emotional and not every man wants to hurt me.
It's okay that my heart is a little damaged and it's okay that I have no idea what I'm doing. Alot of people are the same way and my issues are not bigger then anyone else's. I realized that God is filling in the holes and people around me are helping to repair the bruises.
My self perception is so skewed. It is so far from what people see in me. There are actually people out there who look beyond the physical, who look beyond status, who look beyond popularity.
I felt scared this weekend. Scared that now that things are going so well, I'm going to do something to screw it all up. But then I read a passage in the bible that says fear is a tool the devil uses to turn your eyes aways from God. And come to think of it every other time things have been working out, I've let Satan in. Not this time. I'm praying, and reading, and singing and so happy to be with Jesus. I don't need to be afraid of what other people will think of me. Fat or thin, stylish or frumpy, rich or poor, single or attached. It doesn't matter. Cause all that matters is that I open my heart and let the light Jesus has given me shine through.
I can't always find the right wors to tell people how I'm feeling lately which is weird for me. I think that I need to let go of my fear of sounding stupid or getting rejected. So I'm going to meditate on that for a while.
Well I'm off to dinner in Barrie.
And I'm a few steps closer to realizing my dreams.