Me and my Deanna.



Remember to breathe.

Right.
In and Out. In and Out.

It's harder then it looks.

Sometimes I feel lost int ranlation. I've always been very good with language and words and sometimes lately I can feel myself stumbling. So much to say and such little vocabulary to say it in. I think it's God's way of teaching me timing. There is a right time and a right place for everything. So where's the place? What time is it? right- for Him to know and me to find out....right.... *sigh*.

I love my job. It's hard and sometimes frustrating but I love it. I love the residents I love my co-workers. I just love it. Jesus has been so good to me. I'm utterly, infathomably, greatful. I need to think about that more.
I think I've withdrawn from community lately. I'm not sure where I stand. I think I wanna go home. But I'm having trouble figuring out where home is. I feel home with people I love, but I can't live with all of them. Somtimes I long for my own place-reality check- as much as I love my job it doesnt really pay enough for me to afford anything more then a "lower standard" living space.
I always thoguht I'd live with my mum till I got married. But then, what if I never get married? Not that it would be a bad thing to live with my mum, but I don't want to fall into that trap of being too comfortable. I know it makes the most sense right now. I jsut need God to help me make it happen I guess. I love the people I live with, I just don't see the point in paying rent in a house I'm never in. Not that I wouldn't pay my mum rent, but it wouldn't be as much as I'm paying here. I could put money towards my debt and give my time to something like Living Waters or Crisis Pregnancy Centre, or...get this weirdo concept- Jesus and myself....WEIRD!
Anyway, I'm in transition and feeling a bit lost in translation. I haven't felt this content in a long time yet there's this one area that needs to be decided.
On the side note I did something UBER dorky and got tickets to see Justin Timberlake in Minnepolis next weekend- I know, I know, but loved him when I was school so it's like a flash back thing for me, like the recent Beach Boys tour is for 60 somethings, the boy bands are the same for me. I think it'll be fun.
Oh and I wanna go to an art gallery. Badly. I need someone to go with, any takers? None of my 20 something friends like artI'm sure someone will present themselves. or maybe I should go alone....ugh....I've gone places alone a few times and it's been oaky, but with art I wanna go with someone who appreciates it so I can learn to appreciate it to. :)
I'm singing at church February 4th if anyone wants to come and I promise to sing loud enough to hear this time!!!
Someone important to me asked me to sing tonight and I just about died, like, I'd rather sing in front of 5000 people I don't know then one that' really important....eeeek....anyway I never know what people think of me when I sing, sometimes I think I sound okay and other times I'm pretty sure I suck, the residents like it but they like all sorts of crazy stuff so who knows how I really sound. I have trouble taking people's honest opinions. Strangly enough, the good ones are almost worse then the bad ones when it comes to acceptance. I jsut need to remember I'm singing for Jesus. I had some words spoken to me once and the intercessor said that The Lord loved to hear my voice, it was sweet to Him and He loved nothing more then to hear me sing anything, but He especially loves to hear me sing worship. Thanks Jesus.
Anyway off to bed, birthday dinner tomorrow at the house for a few residents and I'm excited about that. I think tomorrow I will post some worship songs I've written- mostly lyrics, not a lot of music yet, jsut things I hum in my head.

thanks for reading.

love,
L.