I marvel at the wonders God has created in this world. The sparkling snow, the warm Northern Lights, the cities and towns and countries.
Wow.
I don't think I could dream all of that up. What a world we live in. And look what we do to each other. Some people think they are happy, but they are really living lies. Some people tell their spouses they love them, when they really don't.
Some people have to take drugs to get up, drugs to eat, drugs to go to sleep. Some people walk away from their kids. Some people are in so much debt, they will die owing money.
Some people will never know what a lot of money looks like.
Some people are sick and won't get better.

Some people are in love. Some people love their kids. Some people have good jobs that give back to the community. Some people notice sunsets. Some people aren't afraid to say what they feel. Some people aren't afraid to say they pray. Some people aren't afraid.

There is more then 6 billion people in the world today. 6,560,348,429 according to a website I saw tonite. 6, 560,348,429.

I know a few of them. I'm blessed by most of them. But sometimes it is impossible not to focus on waiting for that "right" person. The one who makes you feel things you've never felt before. The one you get to have children with. The one who thinks you're beautiful in the morning, captivating at night, and remarkably gorgeous throughout the day. The one who holds your hand, sings love songs and thinks of you, and can't think of a better place to be then anywhere you are.

John Ruskin, and english essayist, art and social critic once said, "Love is a magic vase filled to the brim; so made that you cannot dip into it nor draw from it; but it overflows into the hand that drops treasures into it-drop in malice and it overflows hate; drop in charity and it overflows love."
You get out what you put in.
Got it.

"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you." - Roy Croft
Don't know who Roy Croft is, but that quote makes alot fo sense to me, loving someone and having them love you should, at least I think, encourage you to be better then what you are. Not different, just alwasy learning and growing.

Scripture says;

“Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes."
Well said, however, I can't say as I know of a love that was never jealous, or boastful or selfish and so on. Maybe I'll find one, even if it isn't mine.

"No cord or cable can draw so forcibly, or bind so fast, as love can do with a single thread." Robert Burton
I think this is one of my favourites. Cause it's true, no matter what. Even if nothing ever happens with the person you love, you'll always remember that you loved them. Whenever you see them, you'll know. Even if they never do- which most of the men I "think" I've loved - don't. Both a blessing and a curse.
I'm not desperate and I can get by without it.
I'm just ready.
I'm ready for God to take it and make it what He will.
I hope He's ready too. Cause my heart is getting a little sore. :)

6,650,348,429 people in the world.

And sometimes, all you need is one.

Ode to McDreamy....

And so begins another day in the days...of my life...
Ha.

A few things to update you on. First of all I am going to be a maid of honor at one of my best friend's weddings......lol. How exciting, my first wedding party experience. and I'm super happy for Tasha. She deserves happiness after all the crap she's been through. Hey Tash, maybe Josh Youngson's band will sing at your reception!! Careful though- he spits on stage sometimes, but somehow still manages to make it look hot!! :)
I loved Josh in kindergarten. He had trouble concentrating and stuff so the teachers put him beside me thinking I'd be a good influence. WRONG! It was my first attempt at being cool to impress someone...lol. He was so cute with his little mushroom hair cut and buck teeth...but look at him now!! The five year old in me still loves him, okay the high school kid in me still loves him...okay...
I still love him. lol. Only now I'm referred to as a groupie...last time I saw him I told him how cool it was gonna be to say I knew him when and he insisted I say I KNOW him, but I really don't. Just through his music. Which is REALLY good.

www.myspace.com/sickcitymusic

check it out!

Speaking of checking out....

I was at this conferance this week for HIV AIDS. Awesome conferance, really informative and great for those of us who are in this feild but really don't have any medical background. It was 2 days and Monday went great. Then Tueday we had that big snow storm, yucky. So I was late for a speech I REALLY didn't want to be late for...mmmm....Dr.Kasper...lol, he's Moe's honestly, I just drool. :)

Bad Mood . Late for the speech I wanted to hear. my hair didn't turn out the way I wanted it to that day and I changed like 5 times before I left the house. Bad roads. Grumpy!!
Then another guy got up to do a presentation on Tuberculosis and HIV co-infection.
And he quoted Simpsons. Well he didn't just quote them, he impersonated a voice.
And he was cute! and super smart, he used words like, "specificity". Honestly, I didn't even know that word existed! And I was in love...okay...lust...but I've never been "in love" so how would I know the difference??

Anyway, I met him afterwards and got all giggly and girly about it, then I had to pick something up at his office today and I got even gigglier. It's nice to be giggly again. I haven't been that way since the spring. I'm just enjoying it. And realizing how much I like being a girl. Oh I'm 22 now, does that make me a "woman"?? lol.

Seriously though, I love the hair and the make-up and the clothes and the emotions and the babies and the dresses and the giggles. Guys have it boring all they get it tools and sports and suits. But I like ties, I might steal that, actually I was thinking of wearing ties right around the time Avril Lavigne came out and she made it trendy and hard core and ruined it. boo. hiss.

So I'm not gonna stress, cause what I do is get a crush on someone and put too much thought into it cause I'm always looking for reasons it wouldn't work and I talk myself out of it all the time so here's the conclusion I've come to.
It's not my job to find a husband. That's God's job. All I have to do is keep developing as a person, as a christian, and God will provide. Now or 10 years from now. I just need to CALM DOWN. Not just with this, but with everything!

I need to stop finding flaws in myself. I need to stop looking for flaws in other people to avoid closness. No more walls. I mean my life isn't gonna be any less if I never hear from him, worst case senario it stays what it is, which isn't so bad. Most of the time... ;)

I guess it just always wanting to look ahead and see what's coming, I think that's what people try to get out of horoscopes and stuff like that, cause I've always thought, if I could look 5 years down the road from now and just see where I'd be I wouldn't be so stressed...and people say "You're only 22, how could you be stressed about this?" Because I'm not really 22. I'm more like 26 or 27. I skipped some years when my parents got divorced and I'd say 80 percent of my friends are over the age of 25. In fact alot of the close ones are almost or ARE in their 30's or older ;). So that's why I get stressed, cause I'm living life at a level that isn't really mine.

And I've been burned. The few times I HAVE put myself out there, I got burned like you wouldn't believe! It's probably cause I was doing it for the wrong reasons and that person wasn't actually right for me, but still! That's sucks and it's hard to get over and when you couple that with someone whose already terrified of rejection, you got a big emotional puddle of fear and worry and...Lisa..!!

So Christmas is coming. And all I want for xmas is Dr. McDreamy. LOL, he can carry my display board anywhere he wants. Can we keep him Moe? Can we? Can we? I promise to take care of him and walk him everyday...and you can have Dr. McSteamy as your stocking stuffer... ;)

So I will wait. For the big red bow. But it's not going to hurt my heart. Jesus will fill it up for me when the levels are getting low. When I think of what He's done in my life already, none of which I deserve, I can't imagine anything but the best because it's touched by His hands.

Maybe now I can get some sleep on my last night alone. So long independant living, hello screaming toddlers. Hello baby smell, hello sharing the bathroom and laundry, hello more cleaning.
Hello Family.
I missed every bit of it....well maybe not the screaming... ;)

L.


Building in Venice, Italy Spring 2006